So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
