If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
