i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
