Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
