walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
