so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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