Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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