This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
