none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
