I wish I could punch you in the face.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
