So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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