Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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