Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
