After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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