I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
