You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
