I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
