Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
