this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
