I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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