he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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