CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
