The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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