Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
