Please, let me fuck your mom
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize