after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
