You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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