im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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