we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize