The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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