Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
