I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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