I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
