I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
