how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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