He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize