this beer tastes like vomit already
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
