I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
