dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize