I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you have to choose: penises or morals?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
