I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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