she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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