Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
