i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
