oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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