If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
