I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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