When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
