i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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