dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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