i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
