you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
