i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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