1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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