I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
