I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
