Operation Purity has been aborted
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
