you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
