Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
