Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
