how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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