Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
