didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
someone owes me an orgasm
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize