Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
