When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
