Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
