how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
