There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
